Misfit Moment: My Life as An End of the Year Failure

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: when I get depressed.

Not by Seasonal Affective Disorder or anything like that. No, this is brought on by my to-do lists. Do you have those? I practically live by mine. Despite my various forms of technology, I still use a certain brand of notebook and a certain type of pen (Pilot G-2 07, black), and I religiously write lists. The satisfaction of crossing things off is so great that if I do things that aren’t on the list, I’ll add them just so I can cross them off.

one-of-those-days-whenyou-get-a-lot-donebut-none-of-it-was-onyour-to-do-list

Ahem.

But at the end of the year, no matter what I’ve accomplished or what I’ve endured or how I’ve struggled, I look at the past twelve months and see only one thing:

Failure.

It’s the ugly downside to being ambitious and focused on improvement and on the future (I remember being sad realizing my parents and grandparents would grow old and die–when I was like, seven). Sitting down and just Enjoy What Is NOW? Not in my nature.

Because things can always be better. Or different. Or newer. Or refreshed. Some people draw from negative space – I plan from it. Not from what I see, but what I don’t see–kind of like filling in plot holes in a story. Everything is a problem to be fixed.

The only thing is, at the end of the year, there’s always more problems–and seemingly, less solutions. Never enough time. Never enough resources. Too much inspiration and never enough execution.

Too many plans that I will never measure up to. So why even bother?

But the thing is, you can’t approach life from a place of want or doubt. Even for restless sorts like me who get inspired by problems. In the end, you’ll be constantly filling a bottomless pit different ways, with the same result.

Want. Need.

Never enough.

In your world, people are used to fighting for resources like oil and minerals and land. But when you have access to the vastness of space, you realize, there’s only one resource worth fighting over – even killing for. More time. Time is the single most precious commodity in the universe. -Kalique Abrasax, Jupiter Ascending

And we come full circle. Another year is gone, and it’s never coming back. Ever.

Time to get depressed again, right?

No .

Take a step back. Breathe. Focus on the good. Even if it’s the smallest thing, like your next meal or the clothes on your back. Seek the presence of the Almighty and savor each moment as if it’s the most precious thing you have. Because it is.

I know the temptation to look at the past and fear you missed all these chances. To look at your present and wonder how the heck things are going to go up. To look to the future and see all the ways things can go down into that bottomless pit.

But it’s time to own your past–as I own mine. Yes, we made mistakes. Yes, things happened that we didn’t plan on. Yes, we may have faced impossible disasters and hopeless nights without any sleep. Yes, we lost people. Yes, we messed up and forgot things and were too overconfident or too under-confident or missed opportunities or failed.

Yet each failure is something we survived. And each moment is one where we can grow and learn from.

you-didnt-fail

And I’m really excited for us to learn and grow together in the year to come! I have some exciting stuff on the docket, including TWO new books scheduled for publication through Uncommon Universes Press (sneak peeks on my Facebook page), some great writing series on Write Inside Out (and a little conundrum regarding a camel and a bunny), and I’m excited to connect more with all of you on matters of monsters, misfits, and mushy stuff!

Please share your own accomplishments/goals/plans/future dreams in the comments! Anyone else get “end of the year” depression? What awesome things have you done? Also, feel free to post up links to your own blog thoughts.

2 thoughts on “Misfit Moment: My Life as An End of the Year Failure

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